Sometimes I don’t do well with life in “play”. I hit rewind a lot and go over things that have already happened and I like fast forward cause I live in anticipation most of the time. I’m looking for the next thing. It’s a curse of working free lance and a curse of creating art. You’re always kinda in your head musing to the point that you are losing the present moment. I have to remind myself to hit the play button and just be a part of life as it unravels.
If I stand at the edge of the night, will I see into the next day? No. The present is a friend. The future is a worry-ridden enemy. It’s a false comfort to stand at the edge of everything looking at what is coming next. It’s why I think I give up writing songs so many times through the year. I’m on and off. It’s a violent relationship. Writing seasons don’t last long for me. I think its cause its filled with so much of that anticipation that keeps me away from what is happening now. I feel like I turned my blog into an explication of Eckhart Tolle’s teachings. Oprah, are you reading?
But there is some truth to this. I say some cause I do’nt fully trust myself when I get analytical like this. I have some major turning wheels in my head. Those stop the play button too. Pause. Yes pause. I like living my life in pause. It gives me a second to freeze the world and think. I like thinking. It’s the same problem though as rewind and fast forward. The same fear involved.
